Number 10: It’s not just nice guys vs. jerks.

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / July 31, 2007

Ever hear some guy complain about how girls only date the “assholes” or “jerks?”  Well, I used to be one of those guys.

Not anymore.

Here’s the truth.

People tend to find evidence that supports their current perspective of the world.  Politics is the perfect example.  Whether you’re Republican, Democrat, Libertarian (what’s up V), Marxist, or a card carrying member of the KKK, you’re always going to interpret things in a way that supports your viewpoint.  And if you see or hear something that seems to contradict your viewpoint, your brain comes up with what it considers a “rational” explanation to negate this moment of doubt.

So if you’re one of those guys who thinks that the hot girls only go for the “assholes” out there, tell me if this sounds familiar.

You’re in a bar or at a party and you see this guy who looks like a total douche bag.  Let’s say for sake of argument that he is a total douche bag.  And he’s got a group of hot girls around him to boot.

But just because that guy is a total douche bag, is that what actually attracts the girl to him?  Does A cause B in this instance?

The answer is this:

Jerks simply possess certain qualities (unrelated to being a jerk) that women find attractive- and that nice guys often lack.  It’s these particular qualities that matter, not the simple question of being a “jerk” or a “nice guy.”

Jerks are usually confident bordering on arrogant.  Nice guys may have confidence, but often they don’t show it in the presence of attractive women.

Jerks tend to be comfortable in their own skin.  Nice guys usually act extra cautious around women.

Jerks put women through a wider range of emotions.  Nice guys usually keep all interactions in the same gear (boring or dull).

Here’s a story from my personal life.

I remember way back when I thought the solution was to act like a complete ass around a woman.  I tried it out and surprisingly, it didn’t work.

Why didn’t it work?

Because even though I was a jerk, I still wasn’t confident.  I still lacked emotional independence.  I still had no clue how to flirt with a woman.  I still looked for her approval like a lap dog.  I still was the same person as before- only a bigger tool.

So if you’re one of those “nice guys” who thinks that simply switching from “nice guy” to “jerk” mode will automatically solve your issues with women, then you still can’t see the forest for the trees.

Step back, tell your brain to shut up, and take a deeper look instead.  See what the real issues are?  Good.

Now get back out there.

I’ll be back soon with No. 9 in the list of The Top 10 Irrefutable Truths about Women and Dating.

-The Boston Bachelor