The Boston Bachelor

Number 9: It’s OK to Date More Than One Woman at Once

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / August 4, 2007

Yes, you read that correctly.

Now before you jump the gun and start spewing off about the sanctities of committed relationships and the importance of fidelity, allow me to explain exactly what I mean.

If you are a single guy, then it’s perfectly OK (and recommended) to date more than one woman at once until you meet the right gal. And by single, I mean not married, not engaged, and not living with the same girlfriend for the past 17 years.

“But wait,” you say. “Isn’t this dishonest and deceitful? If she finds out, isn’t she going to throw a complete shit fit and kidnap my pet dog or something?”

Well that all depends on the expectations you’ve set for her. A bad breakup will always result if one person’s expectations of the relationship are different than the other person’s. So if you communicate to her at the outset that you’re immediately thinking of her as the future bearer of your children, then there’s a pretty good chance she might be a little peeved when she finds out you’re spending your Thursday nights with her college roommate.

On the other hand, if you make it clear through your actions and behavior that you have lots of options (which all guys do have, even if they aren’t aware of it), and aren’t desperate to jump into a committed relationship with every girl you meet, then you’ll find her to be much more accommodating of this fact.

So how do you make it clear to her that you’re the type of guy who has an active dating life and is not some desperate, needy loser without being needlessly overt or coming off as a braggart?

For starters, have an active social life. Keep a busy schedule; sign up for that acting class you’ve always considered taking. Don’t call her 50 times a day or shower her with gifts and undeserved praise.

If she asks you about your dating life, be honest and open about it (unless your dating is limited to Internet porn). Remember, you should be the one who’s qualifying her out of the many fishes in the sea (there are over 3 billion women on this planet, gentlemen). It IS a numbers game, folks. Finding a woman who’s attractive on the outside is easy; finding one who’s also attractive to you on the inside is undoubtedly tougher. So when it comes to committed relationships, you have an inherent right to be picky.

Finally, don’t forget that most single women (especially in the attractive ones living in the city) often date several guys at the same time until they find their so-called “Mr. Right.” So if you have any moral hang-ups about dating multiple women at one time, drop them right now.

And if you’re a Mormon from Utah, I’m sorry that I wasted your time.

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / August 1, 2007

Are you kidding me?

In less than 5 weeks the Boston Celtics went from the 2nd worst team in the league to the team to beat in the Eastern Conference.

Never would I have thought this possible. Not with this front office. Not with this team. Maybe with the Red Sox or the Patriots, but never with the Celtics. Not unless Red Aurebach climbed out of his grave, hopped into his SL convertible (cigar in one hand, steering wheel in the other), and crashed into Danny Ainge’s office like it was the police station in The Terminator.

But unless he’s buried somewhere in Pet Cemetery, the sad Pitino truth is that Red Aurebach isn’t walking through that door.

So then, how did this miracle happen?

Here’s the most rational explanation I could come up with:

5/22/2007: A record number of Celtics fans tune in to the 2007 NBA Draft Lottery night with baited breath, hoping that this would be the turning point of a long-suffering dynasty (Reggie Lewis, Len Bias, and Tim Duncan there of). Meanwhile, behind the draft curtains Portland Trailblazers owner and Microsoft bazillionaire Paul Allen promises David Stern one crazy night of group sex with all members of the Portland Trailblazers cheerleaders and a Kevin Duckworth throwback jersey in exchange for the 1st lottery pick. David Stern accepts, and the rest is ping pong history, causing legions of Celtics fans to erupt in disgust: http://dimemag.com/2007/05/23/lottery-night-for-celtics-fans/

6/27/2007: Ainge, realizing the Celtics chances for getting a guaranteed franchise player in the draft are shot, begins making calls to various NBA GMs across the league. All hang up on him immediately after he mentions the word “Scalabrine” as possible trade bait.

6/28/2007: Ainge’s perserverance finally pays minutes before the draft begins by making a deal for the Sonics’ Ray Allen. Celtics fans react with mixed emotions upon hearing the news. Ainge nearly fucks the deal up by referring to Ray Allen as “the black Jesus who beat Denzel in a game of one-on-one.”

6/29/2007: Paul Pierce takes his house off the market.

7/25/2007: Ainge is visited at midnight by the ghost of Red, who shows him what the future would be like- if things were to continue along the current path. Some of the images Ainge sees include Vin Baker rising to Celtics GM and Sebastian Telfair shooting Paul Pierce 9 times.

7/26/2007: Ainge calls up good friend and former teammate Kevin “the Spaghetti Man” McHale to inquire about Kevin Garnett. McHale laughs at Ainge, hangs up, then folds some sweaters.

7/30/2007: Not so easily deterred, Ainge flies to Minnesota to plead with McHale in person. After Ainge starts quoting verse from the Book of Mormon, McHale finally relents and agrees to put a KG deal out on the table- on the condition that Ainge has to dress up like “The Riddler” and run into Celtics President Chris Gotham’s office yelling “I’m Batman!!”

7/31/2007: With some help from Bill Walton’s bong and the Chief’s personal stash, Ainge convinces McHale to sign off on the most brilliant trade in recent Celtics memory.
Somewhere in Atkinson, NH, diehard Celtics fan Greg V. is crying.

So stand up, clap your hands, and give the man his due. Because Danny Ainge just pulled a Keyser Soze on the rest of the NBA and left the Eastern Conference shitting in its pants.

I can imagine John Paxson and Joe Dumars sitting in their offices right now scratching their heads, wondering how the hell Danny Ainge got the best of them. Well I’ll tell you how.

They just forgot, forgot about Danny Ainge, that’s all.

-The Boston Bachelor