The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 25, 2007

The one… the only… the indispensable… Marvin.

-The Boston Bachelor

Number 4: Being a “Nice Guy” Is Not the Same As “Being Yourself”

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 19, 2007 

“But I just want to be myself.”

Who’s ever heard that whiny slice of cheese from a guy before?

The kicker is, “being yourself” really does work.  No lie.  The thing is, being yourself only works if you’re truly being yourself—i.e., the same guy who sings along to New Order at the top of his lungs while he’s driving; the same guy who teases his best friends about their choice in movies; the same guy who’s always there for those who’ve earned a place in his inner circle.

Unfortunately, when most guys say they just want to “be themselves,” what they’re really saying is “I want to keep doing what I’m doing because I can’t accept the fact that I have certain weaknesses or that I’m wrong.”  I know this because I was once one of those guys (cue sad music).

If a really fat person (and I mean orca fat) came up to you and said, “I don’t want to lose weight because that’s not being myself,” how many seconds would you last before you burst out laughing?  It’s the exact same thing with someone who has trouble attracting women because he can’t hold eye contact, always mumbles, and dresses like he just stepped off the set of White Men Can’t Jump.  How would you react if he told you, “I don’t want to learn about dressing well or proper speech etiquette because that’s not being myself.”  Call me crazy, but that’s some craaazy-ass shit.

The same goes with the self-championed “nice guy.”  Deep down you’re not as “nice” and “sexually non-threatening” as you claim to be, and you know that (and so does the porn collection on your hard drive).  Like the rest of us, you have certain values and interests you love—and some you despise and ridicule.  Like the rest of us, there were times in 8th Grade Science class where you couldn’t go to the chalkboard because of certain involuntary episodes of groinal rigor mortis.  And like the rest of us, you also check out the hot bartender’s ass when she turns around to make your drink.  So stop pretending to be a saintly eunuch, especially in the presence of women.  Have you ever had a boss who was a complete asshole, but acted like a complete doormat in the presence of an attractive woman?  Exactly—don’t be that guy.

We all have the same desires and passions; it’s just that many of us (the “nice guys”) choose to repress or mask our innate qualities, whereas the rest of us choose to accept them.  So the next time you’re out with a woman, stop peddling the fuzzy bullshit.  Don’t be afraid to tell her what you really like and dislike, or to tease her about her Nurse Betty Collector’s Edition Box Set.

Unfortunately, today’s society seems to push more and more of that “be the fake nice guy” crap in movies, television, and advertising; just turn on any romantic comedy or NBC sitcom.  So what’s left?  A whole lot of frustrated men, and just as many frustrated, sexually-unsatisfied women.  But remember: unless you live in North Korea, the ultimate responsibility for change still rests in your hands.

Like the kid in The Chocolate War who refused to sell those stupid candy bars, sometimes you have to ask yourself the question: “Do I dare disturb the universe?”

You should already know the answer to that one.
 

UPDATE: November 1, 2007

Table 1.  Being a ”Nice Guy” vs. Being Yourself

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 15, 2007

Things sure have changed since the days of helping Link find The Hammer in Death Mountain.

Here’s a fascinating inside look at the world of professional gaming, replete with Drafts held at the Playboy Mansion (the woman in the picture above is actually the first ever overall pick) and some lady shelling out her body on CraigsList in exchange for some virtual goodness.  Maybe it’s time for me to dust off the ol’ Mike Tyson’s Punch-out! and Duck Hunt, no?

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 11, 2007

For those of you who missed our appearance on Coach of the Airwaves Tuesday night, you can catch a replay of the show here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/missionunstoppable/2007/10/10/mission-unstoppable.

You can also access the show using the embedded player in the left side panel, or download an MP3 copy of the program here (right-click and hit ”Save As”) .

Feedback is always welcome (even if you’re wrong).

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 9, 2007

I’ll be back on Coach of the Airwaves Radio with professional life coach Frankie Picasso tonight at 10 pm EDT as we discuss:

•   What to do (and not to do) when you’re stuck in the “friends” zone.
•   An in-depth look at the bar and nightclub scene.
•   Dating issues for minorities and immigrants (i.e. FOBS).
•   Plus any questions from our listening audience and much more.

Listeners can call in during the show with any questions at (646)-595-3741.  You can also text any questions to us using the built-in chat function on the BlogTalkRadio site or via Skype at username: coachfrankie.

Listen in by clicking here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/missionunstoppable

See you tonight.

-The Boston Bachelor

Introducing a new section on this site: The Great Albums.  It’s about the music that changes your life and the lives of countless others around the world.  It’s those aurgasmic delights that fulfill you in a way nothing else can.  If you’re not a music lover, you’re simply not human.   Enjoy.

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 8, 2007 

Forget Sgt. Pepper’s or Revolver, The White Album is The Beatles at their stubborn and absolute best.

It’s a resounding “fuck you” to the rest of the music world, like the breakaway slam that seals the end of a once-close basketball game.  It’s The Beatles saying that not only are they going to do whatever the hell they want, they’re going to best you and your grandmother while they’re at it.

From country to folk to rock to avant-garde to acoustic guitar solo pieces, The White Album is one sprawling, beautiful mess.  It’s ingenious and insane (just don’t read too much into the songs–especially “Helter Skelter”).  As a musician, it makes you want to trade your soul for just a leftover nugget of their genius.  I’ll wager my lucky dime that Brian Wilson ran to the pharmacy as soon as he heard the chorus of “Back in the U.S.S.R.”  Talk about trouncing a surf-pop master at his own game.

The scariest thing is, The White Album plays like a random selection from 4 solo Fab Four albums—yet it still sounds so fucking good.

Well, except for those two tracks where Yoko makes a brief appearance.  Sorry, John.

-The Boston Bachelor

Wikipedia
Amazon.com Review

Number 5: Cupid Is Dead

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 4, 2007

In fact, the fat bastard never even existed in the first place.

To the men (and women) out there who keep dreaming of the day that the fates will conspire to bring their soulmate into their laps: keep dreaming, and keep waiting. Because you’ll have a better chance of meeting Godot and Jimmy Hoffa before you ever meet an attractive partner, let alone your “soulmate.”

I remember freshman year in high school lying in my bed at night, praying to God that my high school crush would reciprocate my “love.” Now I’m neither religious nor atheist, but let’s face it: Jesus, Buddha, Vishnu, and the spirit of Jim Jones would have all been disgusted at that display.

As the years passed, I’ve come to realize the following about this crazy little thing called love:

1. There’s no third-party force out there that conspires to turn people into lovers. If you don’t know this already, then please turn off whatever Meg Ryan movie you’re currently watching. If a past relationship didn’t work out, it’s not because “it wasn’t meant to be.” Fate, karma, or the way the furniture in your house was arranged had nothing to do with it. It’s because your expectations of the relationship were different than hers. Or because plugs and sockets were being placed in other plugs and sockets. Or sometimes, it’s just the normal conflicts that result when two people live separate but mutual lives.

2. Love is simply a strong emotional bond that occurs over time—nothing more, nothing less. It’s the strongest of all bonds, and it’s not out there howling dangerously in the wind, looking to turn unsuspecting passerby into couples. So don’t ever think of it as this big, mysterious, abstract cloud beyond your control—or reach.

3. Love at first sight does not exist. But attraction at first sight most definitely does. And attraction is something you can easily trigger in another person, once you know what you’re doing. And attraction, eventually combined with affection, can lead to love.

4. Love is not going to fall into your lap. Sitting in the corner of a Starbucks all day pretending to type something important on your laptop isn’t going to work. Neither is standing against the bar and staring at the sea of women on the dance floor like a starving hyena. Neither is downloading 2.7 gigs of porn from worldsex.com each day (no, they’re not an affiliate). You have to get out there and approach. And I’ll be the first to admit that this first step can be the most difficult to take.

And that’s all you need to know about love.

Except… for one last very important thing:

5. In 1967, they composed one of the greatest albums of all time, Forever Changes. Give it a spin before you die.

In memory of Arthur Lee.

-The Boston Bachelor