Aug 20 2007
The 10 Ten Irrefutable Truths about Women and Dating – No. 7
Number 7: You’re Not Her Savior
By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / August 20, 2007
We’ve all fallen for those types.
The ones from the broken homes that just beg to be saved- because not only does she want to save the world, not only does she listen to the same obscure bands as you do, not only does she play 3 instruments, and not only does spend her weekends in a soup kitchen, but she’s also one of the most achingly beautiful girls you’ve ever laid eyes on. And you can’t stop telling your friends about her, no matter how often they tell you to shut up.
There’s just one thing, however. One flaw in that perfect jewel. Maybe her parents split up when she was 9 and she never got over it. Or maybe her father died when she was just 4 years old. Or maybe her grandmother died a long, horrible death from cancer last summer. And in those quiet moments, you can still see it in those pale blue eyes, that fear- that sense of abandonment- that pain.
And you, more than anything in the world, want to heal her wounds and make her whole again… you want to make her life perfect, as it richly deserves to be. And once that happens, she’ll suddenly realize… that all along… it was you… it was always you. And you’ll gaze longingly into each other’s eyes and finally share that kiss you’ve waited so long for… not just any kiss… but the sweetest kiss in the entire world–
STOP that kind of thinking RIGHT NOW.
Because the last thing she’ll do is fall in love with you if you keep that behavior up.
Harsh words, yes. But it’s a lesson most guys have learned through many lonely Friday nights. Yet they keep making that same mistake again and again and again and again.
Because while you’ve been acting as her psychiatrist/therapist/nurse/delivery boy/chauffeur/personal assistant, you were being anything BUT an attractive man. In fact, you were probably smothering her to the point where you were starting to creep her out. Look, if she really needs emotional help, do yourself and her a favor and refer her to a real psychiatrist. Stop trying to exchange therapy for love. I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t work that way.
If anything, you should be focusing away from all that emotionally-draining stuff. Let me ask you this: who would she rather date- a guy who constantly reminded her of all the weighty issues in her life, or a guy who was a consistent source of fun, excitement, adventure, and sensuality?
Let’s also be honest about what it is that separates her from all the other girls out there. If she had the same exact personality but stood 4’11” and weighed 300lb., would you still be infatuated with her? I didn’t think so.
So stop trying to save her. Because not only will that get you nowhere romantically, it’s also being dishonest about your intentions. Unless you enjoy putting a woman in the uncomfortable position of someday having to give you that “let’s just be friends” speech, save the asexual male nurse act for Philip Seymour Hoffman.
And if your girlfriend happens to be devoutly religious, then my good friend V (who just got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship with a devout Roman Catholic) has some even more sobering news for you: Jesus will always be her man.
Until next time.
-The Boston Bachelor
There’s being saved (from a mortal danger) and being saved (in a Freudian way), and I agree, the latter doesn’t add to attractiveness, and for a man to have a woman fall in love with him because of an Electra Complex is just a huge problem waiting to explode.
People may have chequered pasts, everyone has a story, but to be ‘saved’ in one’s thirties is a bit of a joke for me. By the third decade, or in it, a person has other real issues, negotiating careers, being parents (possibly) and to expect another adult to make it all okay, is expecting too much; too many expectations usher in problems too.
Kid,
I still think we haven’t seen the best of Philip Seymour Hoffman yet. The mans acting potential is right up there with Pacino, Freeman, and Dinero. There’s going to be one movie that’s going to blow everyones mind away…
And I wait for it with baited breath.
Excellent post! Now, any advice for the men that cower behind the wall of excuses from a broken heart? How do you men regain that confidence to love someone new after losing the love or your life?
Love that warning!
well take into consideration that the thing that got her attention,, the thing she cannot forget,, the thing that is totally eating her up… is misery, regret, shame, and give her some more …
she thrives on it.. she will love you like you ain’t never been loved before,,, and the other shit will pale in comparison to the new updated misery, regret, shame you are dishin’ her up today… problem solved..
that is how you get and keep your little broken girl… bcause that is what we want……
Wow, what a nice site! So many ideas and a captivating writing style.
I love it.
As to the post itself… well… from my perspective, some points are disputable and a bit selfish (as the blog idea suggests). But it was really intriguing to get them. It would be informative to read through some of my posts. It will reveal some woman issues to you. I’m telling a lot of things *honestly* to explain female inner world.
By the way… even being a woman I was always interested: why do we love Selfish Pricks?.. Tricky. That’s a new idea for my future post I think
Thank you
V,
I agree with your statement about the greatness of ‘DiNero’
Some other great actors that you didn’t recognize:
O’Twole
Lemmin
Hapkins
And how about Dufresne himself? Mr. Timm Rawbins
Lots of omissions V. Very dissappointing…
Kid Griff and I were talking about going out Friday. Is you in or is you in?
Yeah kid… I’m down with it. I think those chicken hearts Griff and I ate last Friday would go well with some Alligator Sauce. The Boston Bachelor needs to hook me up because I’ve run out.
~Spartan Blood
Awesome post, very insightful. That said, if a man I were dating (and thank goodness I don’t have to date anymore) referred me to a psychiatrist, I think I’d have to dump him. If I were troubled and the only one who couldn’t see it, then chances are good the guy who referred me is just a troubled phase anyway. So, either I’m harsh, or you should never tell your girl to get a psychiatrist.
V-
I’m going to place another order- I think Deep’s in as well- 40-40-20?
GG-
You mean the long hard road out of hell? Stay tuned for more.
Anastasia-
Electra complex? I hope that entails Carmen Electra in some fashion…
Paisley-
An emotional masochist are we?
Nellionness-
Are you coming on to me already? Would love to see what you have to say.
Roy-
You forgot Duston Hawffman and Anthany Kwinn. Recycle it.
I think I accidentally voted for Italian girls in your poll… I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
Way to V
What is it about a guy who claims the title of batchelor? Ever since I was a young girl I have always been intrigued by this kind of man. There’s something sexy about that personna.
Realistic advise, written with a flair, that shouts ‘use common sense’. If you start as her confessor that’s all you’ll ever be … Don’t be her savior. Besides, Jesus, when you’ve got him … well there just isn’t any competition … period.
I think most of your readers/visitors are women. Its nice to see this side of the story, may be we can change by knowing all you wrote….
Anna
it is ALWAYS my fault…the post rings true. I look forward to printing your blog then going to take a nice 1/2 hr long shit at work.
Scott, that was the greatest and strangest compliment(?) ever. Best of luck in your endeavor.
The Boston Bachelor
oh dear, thanks for writing this… although, part of me wonders if men really read this stuff. perhaps we’re not as different as we think.
i like to call this the ‘captain come save a ho’ syndrome. i know these guys, and more often than not, they usually meet these girls because usually your partner doesn’t notice your problem if theirs is bigger.
Anna Wrote: “I think most of your readers/visitors are women. Its nice to see this side of the story, may be we can change by knowing all you wrote….”
Enough said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1P5iEaQ_yQ
V
Hi Boston Bachelor,
What a coincidence. I am reading a book which exemplifies more or less what is being discussed above and on your post.
“The unbereable lightness of being” shows how Tereza needed a “saviour”…but I don’t totally agree with it. Anyway, I will finish the book first
Great post,
Wen.