Aug 24 2007
The Top 10 Irrefutable Truths about Women and Dating - No. 6
Number 6: Stop Treating Her Like a Beautiful Woman (and Start Treating Her Like a Human Being)
By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / August 24, 2007
Catcalls make me throw up.
It’s not that I’m Gloria Steinem’s errand boy or some Bible Belt prude. Far from that. It’s the sheer stupidity of it that makes me want to vomit last Sunday’s dinner. Because not only is that guy fucking up any chances he could have had with that girl, he’s also making things harder for the rest of the male species.
Yelling “hey baby!” or “nice ass!” is not going to make her suddenly stop, walk back towards you and your cock farm of friends, and hand you her number. Even worse are the doofuses who yell at girls from their car window—like she’s going to flag your car down and toss a lipstick-imprinted business card into the passenger seat.
Now I’m not saying that girls aren’t a little flattered by the male attention; all women want to be wanted. But the only thing you accomplish here is a lowering of your own value. It doesn’t matter that you’re driving a Ferrari Modena (though every Saturday night some guy in Bolyston tends to think otherwise)—you’ll still be lumped into the group of insecure, inebriated guys who didn’t have the balls to approach her in the club.
Yes, I realize that she may look absofuckingly smokin’ in her miniskirt and leather boots, but the more you play into the role of horny, desperate guy, the more she’s going to see you as just another notch on her self-esteem belt. Because what you’re doing is nothing new in the life of a beautiful woman… in fact it’s something she gets ALL THE TIME… for the life of a beautiful woman… is a far, far different fairy tale than the life of the average man or woman. (Disclaimer: Average women in engineering or the military may have also experienced this life. All other restrictions apply).
I want you now to close your eyes and imagine what it must be like to be a beautiful woman. And please don’t touch yourself while you’re doing this exercise (that goes for you ladies too). Ready? Here we go…
Imagine that every morning you leave your apartment you’re constantly getting checked out or hit on by guys of all ages and races (especially those Indians and Greeks—sorry kid, I couldn’t resist). It could come in the form of a hungry stare, a comment, a honk of the horn, a catcall, a wolf whistle, a feeble attempt at conversation, whatever. You get to work and then have to deal with those male coworkers who “just happen to wander in” your cube, where they hover uncomfortably for 20 minutes trying to make small talk. And finally on the subway ride back home, after a long, tiring day, you get more stares and more random strangers trying to–well, you get the point. Now many of these guys may be genuinely good guys. But if you’re getting this same kind of attention from 30 different guys each day—how are you going to sort through the pile? Isn’t it easier to just dismiss them all as one big annoying lump?
The latter just so happens to be the unfortunate truth, gentlemen. Think about it the next time a homeless guy asks you for change. Sure, the guy may really need the money—especially if you happen to be walking through New Orleans right now. But do you really take the time to stop and figure out whether he deserves the money—or do you keep on walking?
Hence instead of putting a beautiful woman on a Himalayan pedestal like 97% of guys out there, start treating her like a living, breathing human—flaws and all. No matter how breathtaking, remember–she still eats, sleeps, burps, and farts. And never forget that being good-looking has nothing to do with being a good person. So quit the ass-kissing and unexpected gift-giving; her time and money are no more valuable than yours. Most importantly, never accept second class behavior from her. For many guys lose not only their composure and wallet when they interact with a beautiful woman, but their soul as well.
‘Soul’ seems like a strong word to use, right? Well let me ask you this: how many times have you seen some poor sap treat a beautiful woman with the same reverence that Yul Brynner gave the golden cow in The Ten Commandments? And when that temple came crashing down, it came down like a fireball in Hell, did it not? So my one commandment to you is this:
Thou shalt not worship the golden pussy.
I can’t put it more eloquently than that.
-The Boston Bachelor
Kid… I was thinking about your performance with that girl with the stamp on her hand. I’d like to give it an A+.
Did you finally watch the Ten Commandments? When Charlton Heston parted the Red Sea I immediately stood up.
V
you’re coming around nicely,, batch, old man.. very nicely indeed,,,,,
I disagree with some of the advice you give, which is logical considering the fact that I am a woman and one who’s sometimes considered beautiful. You’re correct in stating that the cat calls and whistles and yelling from car window are not going to attract a woman or inspire her to want further contact. That’s kind of a no-brainer and I think most of the guys who do this are simply trying for some sort of reaction…and rarely even expect a good one.
Where I think your advice is flawed is when you say, “…instead of putting a beautiful woman on a Himalayan pedestal like 97% of guys out there, start treating her like a living, breathing human—flaws and all. No matter how breathtaking, remember–she still eats, sleeps, burps, and farts. And never forget that being good-looking has nothing to do with being a good person. So quit the ass-kissing and unexpected gift-giving; her time and money are no more valuable than yours”.
The thing is, a beautiful woman is a rare and highly desirable thing, and rare and highly desirable things generally DO get put on Himalayan pedestals… so to speak. As you correctly point out, a beautiful woman has many dozens of men hitting on her each and every day. But then you ask, “How does a woman sort through this pile?” …and you seem to suggest that she doesn’t (can’t), she just dismisses them all as one annoying bunch. Yes, the annoying ones get dismissed as being annoying but the others…they’re generally judged on A) what kind of person they are AND B) how much they appreciate and offer. And that’s exactly how it would be for men if men were exalted and pursued the way beautiful women are. Human nature in its purest form.
Picture this, two equally beautiful, equally nice girls are pursuing you, one indulges you with all kinds of nice gifts, treats you like you’re really special and seems to appreciate every minute she’s with you, and the other treats you like “a regular person”. I think most guys would do what most beautiful girls do …go with the indulgent one who treats you like a star.
In the end you advise your readers, “quit the ass-kissing and unexpected gift-giving; her time and money are no more valuable than yours”. Well that’s not really true, is it? In our society her time IS more valuable because value is based on supply and demand. Unless you feel you can change society, the best advice You can probably offer your readers is, “if you realistically feel you have a chance with a beautiful woman, and your goal is to involve her in a sexual or intimate relationship, then you should definitely be prepared to indulge her. Because other appealing, intelligent, nice men will and…how does she choose? (that’s where the choosing comes in).
Is it unfair that a beautiful woman is rewarded for just walking into a room? Hell YES, it’s totally unfair. But lots of things in this life are, many of them much more harmful than this.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling comment. I just felt it had to be said. Love your blog, keep up the good work.
Though I’m a selfish prick, I’ve always got an open ear and appreciate all feedback, so thanks for your input, Patricia, and keep on swinging… now on to the fun part
To me a beautiful woman is not something that is in short supply, especially if you live, work, or play in the city. I see beautiful women all the time, especially out on the town (and I’m the one who always gets shit on by my friends as having too high standards). I will say that there can be a shortage if you’re living in a small town, or 300 miles away from a major city, or anywhere in the state of Rhode Island.
As you mentioned something about being “sometimes considered beautiful,” beauty is all in context; it can tremendously vary depending on dress, makeup and environment. For example, a woman who’s a 5 when she wakes up Saturday morning can turn into a 7 when she leaves her apartment that night dressed to kill with a half pound of makeup on her face. Then when she walks into a sports bar, she may bump herself up to an 8 due to all the attention from the horny guys there. Drop her on the deck of a navy ship and she could even become a 9.
So physical beauty is nothing special or rare to me. I would buy the most obese, physically repulsive woman in the world a gift if she had a good heart. But I wouldn’t spend a dime of my money or time on a physically stunning but superficial woman. Again, good looks say nothing. If this goes against society, then I take it as a compliment.
And if I had to choose between two equally beautiful and personable women, I would actually be more attracted the one who treated me more like a regular person. I’d feel that the one who treats me like a regular person is being more genuine with me–that I’m seeing what she’s really like–and not some persona that she’s hoping I’d like. From my experience women actually think this way much moreso than men.
Sure, gifts and all that are nice, but the more she presses me the easier it is for me to put her on the back burner. Why commit to her now when I know she’ll be there down the road if I wanted it? The easier something is to get, the less value people place on it. Kind of fucked but true.
And that’s why I recommend being anything but the predictable, gift-giving, money-thrower, ass-kisser. Predictability is not attractive; ask anyone in a 30 year old marriage. More importantly, most guys probably aren’t being themself when they do this. For example, a lot of guys are actually pretty frugal–until they see a beautiful woman, in which case they start shelling out money like she just passed GO on a Monopoly board. All that’s saying is, “I don’t think I’m good enough for you on my own; therefore I hope to convince you with lots of gifts, expensive dinners, and compliments. And that’s not even really who I am when I’m around my friends.” Gifts and compliments do have a certain time and place, just not here.
A man who maintains his belief set and character, and does not fall victim to the spell of physical beauty is rarer than a beautiful woman–and more so in demand.
Finally, by separating yourself from her male groupies, you at the very least create intrigue–one of the big seeds for attraction. I also want to mention that when I say “start treating her like a human being,” I’m not saying that if you treat her as a completely platonic female friend she’s going to fall into your lap. You still need to push those attraction buttons. Since this post ran much longer than intended, I’ll let you guys figure out what to do from there.
The Boston Bachelor
BB :: amazing. simply put simply factual blog that…well, say it like i’tis.
~ B R A V eFFn O ~
Awhhh man, and i miss Boston….great town. great people (generally).
def be back for insights and wit-bounding portrayals of…..ya rawwwk hard dood!!!
~julian
Interesting blog! I liked reading the debate between you and Patricia. You both make valid points. Perhaps, these ideas can’t be based on a whole.
first time reader, first time responder. I agree with what you write, boston bachelor, although it does seem a little obvious.
“I would buy the most obese, physically repulsive woman in the world a gift if she had a good heart”. I, for one, wouldn’t. People like to dismiss physical beauty as an invalid quality, but it is atleast equally important, if not more so, to any relationship, as being a ‘good person’. Atleast beauty is something you can work on and put effort into; keep in shape, good hygiene, but your personality is who you are. If you are a dull, boring, selfish person, then that is who you are. When I hear people say that looks aren’t important to them, it screams to me of someone who is pretentious and false. now im not labelling you into that category because I’ve barely read this site or know anything about you, but I am curious how many ‘obese, physically repulsive’ women you’ve bought gifts for.
To Patricia, about your mind experiment about two equally beautiful girls, etc. etc., yes we would like to think that we would pick the one who treats us well, but the human creature isnt seduced how we would assume, we all want the ‘forbidden fruit’, that which seems hardest. Being nice is fine but it also unconsciously lowers your value in their eyes, playing coy and elusive makes you seem to be a prize worth chasing, and all the more seductive. How many times have we heard the cliche of the assholes getting the girls, and nice guys finishing last. Attention and praise which is given sparingly becomes all the more valueable, who would have thought that the laws of economics (supply and demand) apply to the heart.
All in all, I think you have touched on some real truths and keys to any seduction. Kudos on the site as any forum with which those who need advice on ‘the game’ and can discuss and share their own personal experiences and observations is a positive thing.
P.S. Guys doing cat calls doesn’t make it harder for the rest of us, there isn’t another species we are competing against for women’s attention, we are competing against eachother, so let the other guys shoot themselves in the proverbial foot.