The Boston Bachelor

Number 8: It’s Always Your Fault

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / August 15, 2007

(You can tell your girlfriend to stop clapping now).

That’s right guys- it’s always your fault. Had a date flake on you last night? Your fault. So your girlfriend cheated on you with your friend while you were studying abroad in London? Your fault too. Approached some girl at a party only to have her rebuff you with a “NO” even before you opened your mouth? You guessed it- that’s your fault as well! Now before you sip some peyote and start burning effigies of The Boston Bachelor in your backyard, just hear me out for a second.

Ready? Good. Now listen closely.

It’s the mindset that’s important, not the facts. Believing that “it’s always your fault” is the quickest way you’re going to improve your success not just in this game, but in life in general. Why? Because everything else out there- the girls, the clubs, the unspoken gender rules of society, the age of consent laws in Southwick- are all outside of your direct control. The only real control you have is over yourself: your actions, your behaviors, and your beliefs.

The perfect analogy exists in the sports world. The greatest athletes, past and present, never play the blame game (are you listening, Isiah?). When they lose, they know the onus is on them- not the lack of air conditioning in the old Boston Garden, not “The Jordan Rules,” not the Cubs fan who went for the foul ball, and not even Tim Donaghy (well, maybe a little- we’ll see what the investigation turns up). So with all apologies to Dr. Sean Maguire, yes Will Hunting, it is your fault.

Because only by always accepting responsibility for the outcome will you ever obtain the strength and perseverance necessary for greatness. Think of MJ’s flu game against Utah, Larry Legend willing the Celtics to an OT victory in Game 4 of the ’84 NBA Finals, or Floyd Landis’ miraculous comeback in the 2006 Tour de France. Against all external odds, the greatest still find a way.

So now that you know this, think back to the last time you were out with your friends and some random chick gave you the cold shoulder. Your friends probably tried to comfort you by remarking, “man, what a bitch,” or “fuck her, she probably went to a tech school or something.” Well if they were a true friend, they’d tell you the straight deal; that it wasn’t her, but your cologne of insecurity and poor body language. Or the fact that you looked in her direction 54 times before you made an approach. Or the fact that you haven’t updated your wardrobe since Twin Peaks went off the air.

Now I’m not saying that bitchy, bitter, or insane Anna Nicoles don’t exist. But is it really worth turning shit into gold when it’s easier to learn how to avoid stepping in it in the first place?

I do have one final warning. When you take the blame, NEVER, EVER, EVER take it personally. NEVER beat yourself up over it. I cannot emphasize this enough. Remember- every rejection, every loss, every rebuff, every flake- is just another stepping stone on the path to success.

Entrepreneur and bestselling author Robert Kiyosaki said it best: “Sometimes you win; sometimes you learn.”

-The Boston Bachelor

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