I hit the floor on the last line.

High comedy

Every now and then you hear some (white) person ask, “Why do some black people call each other ‘nigga’ but get pissed off when a person of another race calls them that?” The fact is folks, unless you’ve been living in a cave or Maine for the past 30 years, you really should know that the words “nigga” and “nigger” are distinct and NOT interchangeable. The former is mostly used in a synonymous fashion with other slang terms of endearment such as “bro,” “man,” or “kid.” For example, “Nigga, please” in white-person-speak may equate to “Dude, please.” The latter, on the other hand, should only be used by racist cops in the film Mississippi Burning or by former “Seinfeld” actors.

Finally, the correct usage of the term “nigga” is very much context and vocal delivery dependent.

For example:

CORRECT CONTEXT:

“Damn, nigga.”

INCORRECT CONTEXT:

“With the current market flux not withstanding, I believe the optimal way to reinvest my Vanguard index is to diversify into low-risk options, futures, and the S&P 100. What do you think, uh, my nigga?”

The fact of the matter is, people of all races have used the term “nigga” with no repercussions, because they were completely congruent with using the term and already understood its proper meaning and context. But if you’ve found this article to be particularly enlightening and amazingly informative, then I highly recommend that your naive ass abstain from using that word at all. And remember, any use of the term “nigger” will most likely result in this Kentucky Fried Movie sketch becoming an all-too-real experience.

I’d like to close by thanking my remaining advertisers. It was fun while it lasted.

I mean come on, it was a skin relationship.

Comedy,

V

The time was Spring, ’00 I was a fresh faced 19 year old UMass freshman with 2 black suitemates (for those of you scoring at home, that brought the total number of black acquaintences in my life to 2). Around this time I had an ACLU level 4 incident, and without any knowledge of Brazilian Ju-Jitsu to back me up.

I was sitting in my friend Ibsen’s (black) room playing ‘Goldeneye’ with Ibsen and Ian (white). Ibsen was about 6’3, ripped, and spoke with a heavy French accent. He also drank Remy Martin cognac and was a part time male model (http://www.bodybuzzfitness.com/). In other words, we couldn’t have had more in common. As two men of similar ilk, we got along famously during our freshmen year. The incident in question occurred when Ian successfully shot Ibsen through the back of the head with a PP7 which led to the following exchange:

Me: (yelling in mock ghettospeak) “Yea Nigga!”
Room: (Silent)

Now i’m not entirely certain of why I said this. I don’t typically throw that word around (at least not when blacks are within earshot LMAO ROFL LOL). Immediately afterwards I realized I may have committed a faux pas that could potentially result in Ibsen asking me to bite the curb. The funny thing was I could actually feel Ian tense up when I said this. You know you’ve had a verbal miscue when you can feel an asshole pucker from across the room. All white guy movement in the room stopped for what felt like 2 to 3 months, but was in actuality probably a three beat. Finally Ibsen started laughing and said “Awww shit, Matt’s just like ‘Yea Nigga!’, haha!”

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Never speak the word nigga in front of a black man. Unless of course that black man was born in France.

Kid… Does this chart apply to no skin or partially skinned relationships? Perhaps the matrix should be three dimensional?

Way to V