The Boston Bachelor

Number 5: Cupid Is Dead

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 4, 2007

In fact, the fat bastard never even existed in the first place.

To the men (and women) out there who keep dreaming of the day that the fates will conspire to bring their soulmate into their laps: keep dreaming, and keep waiting. Because you’ll have a better chance of meeting Godot and Jimmy Hoffa before you ever meet an attractive partner, let alone your “soulmate.”

I remember freshman year in high school lying in my bed at night, praying to God that my high school crush would reciprocate my “love.” Now I’m neither religious nor atheist, but let’s face it: Jesus, Buddha, Vishnu, and the spirit of Jim Jones would have all been disgusted at that display.

As the years passed, I’ve come to realize the following about this crazy little thing called love:

1. There’s no third-party force out there that conspires to turn people into lovers. If you don’t know this already, then please turn off whatever Meg Ryan movie you’re currently watching. If a past relationship didn’t work out, it’s not because “it wasn’t meant to be.” Fate, karma, or the way the furniture in your house was arranged had nothing to do with it. It’s because your expectations of the relationship were different than hers. Or because plugs and sockets were being placed in other plugs and sockets. Or sometimes, it’s just the normal conflicts that result when two people live separate but mutual lives.

2. Love is simply a strong emotional bond that occurs over time—nothing more, nothing less. It’s the strongest of all bonds, and it’s not out there howling dangerously in the wind, looking to turn unsuspecting passerby into couples. So don’t ever think of it as this big, mysterious, abstract cloud beyond your control—or reach.

3. Love at first sight does not exist. But attraction at first sight most definitely does. And attraction is something you can easily trigger in another person, once you know what you’re doing. And attraction, eventually combined with affection, can lead to love.

4. Love is not going to fall into your lap. Sitting in the corner of a Starbucks all day pretending to type something important on your laptop isn’t going to work. Neither is standing against the bar and staring at the sea of women on the dance floor like a starving hyena. Neither is downloading 2.7 gigs of porn from worldsex.com each day (no, they’re not an affiliate). You have to get out there and approach. And I’ll be the first to admit that this first step can be the most difficult to take.

And that’s all you need to know about love.

Except… for one last very important thing:

5. In 1967, they composed one of the greatest albums of all time, Forever Changes. Give it a spin before you die.

In memory of Arthur Lee.

-The Boston Bachelor