The Boston Bachelor

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / June 12, 2008

A very frank and often hilarious conversation with Neil Strauss on his experiences following the publication of The Game, courtesy of AJ and Jordan from Pickup Podcast.  Click below to listen:

Part 1 of the Neil Strauss Interview
Part 2 of the Neil Strauss Interview

 -The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / February 22, 2008

Clubs can be an intimidating mix of strange odors, sweaty people, overpriced drinks, and shitty music to the uninitiated. So we’ve come up with a list of common questions the newcomer might ask. If you believe that we’ve missed something, email us your question at bb@thebostonbachelor.com.

Why is the music so bad, and why do they play the same songs ever week?

The DJ spins music for the female booty-shaking factor, not quality or variety. So save Another Green World for the car ride there.

Why does every girl/guy strive to buy club clothes that make them unique, but still end up looking the same as every other girl/guy in there?

Good question.

What’s up with the two girls who are grinding with each other in the middle of the dance floor?

“Pleeease pay attention to us! Pleeeaaase!”

What’s up with the circle of guys standing around the two girls who are grinding with each other in the middle of the dance floor?

If anyone wants to make an argument that women are smarter than men, now’s the time.

Why is that guy watching the TV / playing with his phone / going to the bathroom every 5 minutes / going out for a smoke every 5 minutes?

One word: stalling.

Why are some bouncers/doormen complete assholes?

Because they realize that holding a cheap velvet rope for 3 hours is the most power they’ll ever possess in their lives.

Why do people wait until lines go around the block and cover charges are in effect before they head out to clubs?

Because they’re dumbasses.

I can’t dance.

Most people can’t, so who gives a fuck and just do it anyway. I sure as hell can’t (unless you spin some New Order or Madchester–long live Bez!).

I don’t like dancing. Can I still meet girls at a club?

Yes–at the bar, in line, near the coat check, in the booths, etc.

Why are the drinks so fucking expensive?

Because most of the club’s revenue comes from the alcohol, not the cover charges. And people will stay pay for it, just as they still pay $3.39 for a gallon of gas.

What’s up with the girl who’s in line by herself, checking her cell phone every 20 seconds, keeps looking to the side, with her arms crossed over her chest?

1. She’s waiting for her friends or boyfriend.
2. She’s insecure that people will think that she’s going to a club by herself.

I hate clubs, but I hear they’re the best for practicing your game. Is this true?

Yes and no. If you have trouble talking to strangers, then they’re good in terms of the sheer volume of approaches you can make. If you’re looking for relationship material, then no.

Why do so many girls play with their phones in the club?

Because no guys are approaching them and they’re afraid of being perceived as undesirable.

I like girls who are into Heroes of Might and Magic IV, pre-8 1/2 Fellini films, Greek cooking, commnuity service, and the writings of J.G. Ballard. Is there any chance I’m going to meet a girl like that in a club?

No.

What’s up with the meathead who walks around with a perpetual scowl on his face?

He believes that he’s acting like an “alpha male.” However, this behavior is neither “alpha” nor “male.”

Why do many clubs ban “Tims” (Timberland boots)?

Official Reason: “They’re informal and can scuff up dance floors.”
Unofficial Reason: “They’re too ‘hip hop’ for our desired Eurotrash vibe. That and we’re afraid of black people.”

Why don’t some bartenders say “thanks” you give them a tip?

Because they’re fucking rude.

I think I saw Boston Celtics reserve forward Brian Scalabrine in a bar once. Was it really him?

If this was a bar outside Boston, then yes. If this was a bar in Boston, then you probably just saw one of 16,793 registered Brian Scalabrine look-a-likes in the state of Massachusetts. And yes, V, that was Rajon Rondo (in non-Gumby form) you saw at the Burlington Mall Macy’s.

Why are so many girls standing around packt like sardines in a crushd tin box?

Because just as with any street gang or fraternity, they believe that confidence and protection only exists in groups.

Does “peacocking” work?

Yes, but only for guys who are already very social and high-energy. If you’re the low-key type an interesting prop would suit you better.

What are the 6 biggest mistakes guys make in the club?

From my own personal experience:

6. Ignoring a girl’s friends when you first start talking to her.
5. Circling around the club numerous times trying to see where the “hot girls” are.
4. Leaning in every time you talk to her.
3. Not speaking LOUD ENOUGH.
2. Hesitating.
1. Going to clubs for the purpose of “picking up girls” as opposed to going just to have a fun time and be social. If you can’t have a good time by just being there, then find a venue you can actually enjoy.

I asked a girl to guess my nationality, but she didn’t know what the word “nationality” meant. Is she retarded?

Let me ask her cousin JFr—nevermind.

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / January 28, 2008

Legendary pickup artist and dating guru Carlos Xuma will be joining us for a special edition of The Babe and The Bachelor this Tuesday, January 29th at 9 pm EDT.

Carlos is the author of The Dating Black Book, The Secrets of the Alpha Man, and The Alpha Rules, and has previously collaborated with David DeAngelo, Lance Mason of Pickup101, and Neil Strauss and The StyleLife Academy.

Call in during the show at (646) 595-3961.

See you tomorrow night.

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / January 8, 2008

Just a reminder–tonight at 9 pm EDT The Babe and The Bachelor returns from the holiday break to reveal all about the secret society of pickup artists.  We’ll see you then.

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / December 24, 2007

In tribute to Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Spanakopita Day, or whatever holiday you celebrate, here’s some brilliant words of wisdom from Owen Cook’s The Blueprint.  Enjoy.

* * * * *

A poor guy has an identity crisis.  Maybe the problem starts when he gets a feeling that a girl might like him.  He imagines a connection with her and all sorts of shared experiences that don’t exist yet.

He thinks that there’s all this unspoken sexual tension going on beneath the surface.  He even pictures his girl when he listens to all the romantic songs on the radio.  But inevitably, he figures out that his projection doesn’t exist in any shared reality that includes the girl.  To realize that it’s all in his head – that the girl doesn’t actually reciprocate the way that he feels… or think about him while he’s thinking about her…  It’s a hard pill to swallow.

Let’s imagine instead that our poor guy already has a girlfriend.  The problems start for him when he finds out that she’s been cheating.  He’d idealized the relationship.  It felt good.  In order to stay infatuated with his girl, he had screened out any sketchiness and focused on her best attributes and the most fun times that they’d had.  Together, he and his girl had come up with all sorts of shared idealizations that had made their relationship strong.

There were many things that they’d expressed to one another as a way of reinforcing their love.  They remembered the first place that they’d met, gone out, and had sex.  They had a special reason for why they’d met and were still together, that other couples didn’t have.  Their “thing.”  It wasn’t something that they could get from anyone else, so they could feel totally secure to feel their love without fear of loss.  It was not replaceable.

And to make it even stronger, they had continually re-articulated to one another that it would last… “FOREVER.”

What’s funny is that when it ends, all of these special feelings might still be there.  It’s just that there are now all of these new, bad feelings that go along with them.  He wants to feel like he did before.  His reality comes crashing down around him.  He reaches out for his girl to validate their old shared reality, but she is gone from him.  The girl that existed for him no longer exists.  She was a figment of his imagination.  The face that he saw was one of many faces that she had.

He doesn’t realize it, but he has many such faces himself.  We all have different faces for people who have a different value to us.  Are you the same person when you talk to a pushy vagrant asking for spare change as you are when you talk to your mother?  How would a person’s experience of you differ, depending on their value to you?  What he saw in her was the face that a person shows to someone who has value to them.  It is such an easy face to look at.  Like looking into the mirror, and seeing the most beautiful face in the entire world.

“Wait… She’s not seeing things clearly. What about our ‘thing?’  Doesn’t she realize that she can’t get it from him?  Nobody can love her like I can.  Hang on.  She fucked this new guy the first time they hung out?  OK, that just doesn’t make sense because she said that she always waited three months with a guy to make it special.  What?!  She fucked him on the couch where we had our first time together?!  No.  That was the special couch.  Doesn’t this bitch remember that that was the SPECIAL COUCH?!?!”

He rationalizes that she’s just confused.  He won’t give up on love.  He resolves to “win her back.”  But he has gone from being her boyfriend to being more like all those other guys from her fan club.  He is everything that her new guy is not.

And she feels a little bad for him, for sure.  But as she walks out the door from the “one last meeting” that he begged her for, her face of pity turns into a beaming smile for her new guy waiting outside to pick her up.

She goes on and enjoys her life without a thought.  He sits around thinking about her, pining for a girl who doesn’t share his reality anymore.  And though he will never admit it to himself, deep down he sees the worst of himself in her.  Because under different circumstances, he knows that he might have done the same thing.  Maybe if their relationship had staled.  Or if he had met a certain other girl.  So he mopes around for a while, until the feelings of emptiness start to subside.  Then, once he’s ready, he begins the process of re-establishing himself.

He shifts his focus from his loss to superficial areas in which he can improve himself.  He focuses on his status conveying intermediaries such as his credentials, career, property, vehicle, clothing, jewelry, and so on.  He’s a together guy.  He’ll get it under control.  Time passes.  His life improves to an extent.  But he is still alone.

Through our social conditioning, we come to understand “love” in a way that’s often more focused towards idealism than it is towards accurately defining the phenomenon.  Writers and philosophers have long debated the meaning of the term, without ever coming to any consensus.  In some cultures, there are even multiple words used to define “love.”

Many people conceive of love as having supernatural properties. They might believe that every person has only one perfect soulmate. Or that true love will always last forever. Or that people can fall in love only a certain number of times. They might even believe that fate will cause love to “just happen” when the time is right. With faith that there are such powerful forces at work, it isn’t surprising that people will often intensify their feelings with the belief that they are following their hearts.

Think back to the last time that you felt that you were in love.  How did you know?  Was it a feeling of attraction?  Was it a feeling of connection?  Was it a feeling of lust?  Was it feeling of physical attachment?  Was it a feeling of underlying one-ness?  Was it feeling of anxious emotional co-dependence?  Was it a combination of those things?  Is love an old couple sitting on their porch, comfortable in their long established routines?  Is it two teenagers locked in passion in the back seat or their car, scrambling for a condom?  Is it a pair of newlyweds, gazing into each other’s eyes as they take their matrimonial vows?

It’s often said that love is self-hypnosis; a beautiful psychosis that takes hold and prompts us to act in ways that we would otherwise not even consider.  Love is not something that is caused by another person.  We cause it in ourselves.  As we loop our thoughts over and over around our concept of a particular person, our mind shifts the way that we perceive them and finds ways to make sense of it.  Suddenly, everything seems so simple.  It’s love.  And as it takes hold, our physical body follows suit, spinning and intensifying our emotional chemistry until we are fully enraptured.

For some people, love can be an opportunity to have a partner on their journey.  It can be a chance for them to fully experience and understand another person, and to have that person do the same for them in return.  A loving relationship between two people can be healthy and cultivate spiritual and physical growth.  It can be one of the most pleasurable and important experiences that a person has over the course of his or her entire life.

But that depends on whether or not the person is ready for it.  Because the idea of love can also be destructive.  For some people, it can be a self-deception that they can focus on as a way to avoid facing their shortcomings.  People will often rationalize that any strong emotional reaction that they feel towards another person is a sign that they are “in love.”

They might have worked themselves into an infatuation with someone who doesn’t reciprocate their interest, and rationalized that it’s something that would make them feel complete.  They might desperately crave a person’s attention, and rationalize the anxious feeling of need for their approval as being love-butterflies fluttering around in their stomach.  In a relationship, they might leave their partner, because they rationalize that their loss of novel infatuation is a sign that they have fallen out of love.  And later, they might have trouble finding someone new, and rationalize that they lost the love of their life.

There are people who will fall in love with anyone who will have them.  They are eager, and in love with the idea of being in love.  There are other people who fear falling in love.  They are jaded, and create emotional barriers to prevent themselves from being hurt in the future.  Ultimately, people process their experiences through a fog of emotions, and create and intensify these occurrences in their own minds.

As we said, a person can feel an increase in their sense of acceptance by being in a specific situation.  And in the same way, a person can feel an increase in their value by being with a specific person.

When a person’s sense of acceptance and identity is tied up in another person, they are dependent on that person to feel good about themselves.  And because of that, they become reactive in their relationship.  They focus their thoughts more towards the pain of possibly losing the other person than on the pleasure of being themselves.  Once that happens, their behaviour becomes less attractive to their partner, and their partner’s feeling of love towards them begins to subside.  Perhaps then, it is only the person who doesn’t need social acceptance to feel good, who can really appreciate being in love.  Is it possible, that it is only when you don’t need love that you will find it?

* * * * *

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / December 18, 2007

Tune in Tuesday, January 8th at 9 pm EDT on The Babe and The Bachelor for this extra-special show:

1.  Pickup Artists.  In the mid-90s, a group of men from all over the world converged over the Internet to master the one part of their lives that forever eluded them–women.  Years later, mostly due to Neil Strauss’ 2005 bestselling memoir The Game, the “pickup artist” phenomenon is alive more than ever–from books to DVDs to seminars to reality TV shows such as VH-1’s The Pick Up Artist.  Who are these pickup artists that go under the pseudonyms of Mystery, Style, David DeAngelo, Carlos Xuma, Tyler Durden, and Zan?  What do they really teach, and do their methods work?  Tune in to learnan in insider’s perspective on the facts and the myths about this fascinating underground society.

2.  Getting physical on the first date.

3.  10 fun, (almost) free places to take a date.

4.  Questions from our callers… (please, no closeted admirers this time.)
  

AND MORE…

Call in during the show at (646) 595-3961.

See you tonight.

-The Boston Bachelor

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / December 11, 2007

Tune in tonight at 9 pm EDT on The Babe and The Bachelor as we discuss:

1. How to talk to girls–from the first approach to the first date, we dissect the do’s, the don’ts, and unwitting mistakes guys make when talking to girls.

2. “Alpha males.” Do they only exist on National Geographic or are they relevant to our society as well?  And what is it about “alpha males” that attracts the opposites sex?

3. Flipping the script: the secrets of guys who have women buying them gifts, expensive dinners, driving them around, etc.

4. Questions from our callers.

AND MORE…

Call in during the show at (646) 595-3961.

See you tonight.

-The Boston Bachelor