The Boston Bachelor

Number 6: Stop Treating Her Like a Beautiful Woman (and Start Treating Her Like a Human Being)

By THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / August 24, 2007 

Catcalls make me throw up.

It’s not that I’m Gloria Steinem’s errand boy or some Bible Belt prude.  Far from that.  It’s the sheer stupidity of it that makes me want to vomit last Sunday’s dinner.  Because not only is that guy fucking up any chances he could have had with that girl, he’s also making things harder for the rest of the male species.

Yelling “hey baby!” or “nice ass!” is not going to make her suddenly stop, walk back towards you and your cock farm of friends, and hand you her number.  Even worse are the doofuses who yell at girls from their car window—like she’s going to flag your car down and toss a lipstick-imprinted business card into the passenger seat.

Now I’m not saying that girls aren’t a little flattered by the male attention; all women want to be wanted.  But the only thing you accomplish here is a lowering of your own value.  It doesn’t matter that you’re driving a Ferrari Modena (though every Saturday night some guy in Bolyston tends to think otherwise)—you’ll still be lumped into the group of insecure, inebriated guys who didn’t have the balls to approach her in the club.

Yes, I realize that she may look absofuckingly smokin’ in her miniskirt and leather boots, but the more you play into the role of horny, desperate guy, the more she’s going to see you as just another notch on her self-esteem belt.  Because what you’re doing is nothing new in the life of a beautiful woman… in fact it’s something she gets ALL THE TIME… for the life of a beautiful woman… is a far, far different fairy tale than the life of the average man or woman.  (Disclaimer: Average women in engineering or the military may have also experienced this life.  All other restrictions apply).

I want you now to close your eyes and imagine what it must be like to be a beautiful woman.  And please don’t touch yourself while you’re doing this exercise (that goes for you ladies too).  Ready?  Here we go…

Imagine that every morning you leave your apartment you’re constantly getting checked out or hit on by guys of all ages and races (especially those Indians and Greeks—sorry kid, I couldn’t resist).  It could come in the form of a hungry stare, a comment, a honk of the horn, a catcall, a wolf whistle, a feeble attempt at conversation, whatever.  You get to work and then have to deal with those male coworkers who “just happen to wander in” your cube, where they hover uncomfortably for 20 minutes trying to make small talk.  And finally on the subway ride back home, after a long, tiring day, you get more stares and more random strangers trying to–well, you get the point.  Now many of these guys may be genuinely good guys.  But if you’re getting this same kind of attention from 30 different guys each day—how are you going to sort through the pile?  Isn’t it easier to just dismiss them all as one big annoying lump?

The latter just so happens to be the unfortunate truth, gentlemen.  Think about it the next time a homeless guy asks you for change.  Sure, the guy may really need the money—especially if you happen to be walking through New Orleans right now.  But do you really take the time to stop and figure out whether he deserves the money—or do you keep on walking?

Hence instead of putting a beautiful woman on a Himalayan pedestal like 97% of guys out there, start treating her like a living, breathing human—flaws and all.  No matter how breathtaking, remember–she still eats, sleeps, burps, and farts.  And never forget that being good-looking has nothing to do with being a good person.  So quit the ass-kissing and unexpected gift-giving; her time and money are no more valuable than yours.  Most importantly, never accept second class behavior from her.  For many guys lose not only their composure and wallet when they interact with a beautiful woman, but their soul as well.

‘Soul’ seems like a strong word to use, right?  Well let me ask you this: how many times have you seen some poor sap treat a beautiful woman with the same reverence that Yul Brynner gave the golden cow in The Ten Commandments?  And when that temple came crashing down, it came down like a fireball in Hell, did it not?  So my one commandment to you is this:

Thou shalt not worship the golden pussy.

I can’t put it more eloquently than that.

-The Boston Bachelor