Feb 04 2009

Blah Bleh Bloh Hah (French for The Garbage Coming Out of My Mouth)

Published by The Boston Bachelor under Careers

Staplers get jammed easily.

I don’t like blue towels.  I own lots of blue towels.

Green hair is out of fashion.  No shit.  Haha.

Most tattoos are style over substance.  Especially lower back ones. (Edit: On second thought, most tattoos offer neither style nor substance.  Now I need a new word that begins with ‘s.’)

Trophies are not as expensive as they seem.

Technology is increasing at a very fast rate.  My alarm clock is my cell phone.

Possums.

Logistics.

Nanotechnology.

Kino.

Keno.

Poker.

Broker.

Al Roker.

Joker.

Smoker.

Not Midnight Toker, but you expected that didn’t you?  You fucking snob.

Week-end or Weekend?  Or Week End?

I wish I was paid by the word.

Poop.

–Loser-reads-what?

2 responses so far

Feb 02 2009

The One… The Only… The Inimitable… Ross Jeffries–Live in Action

ross jeffries The One... The Only... The Inimitable... Ross Jeffries  Live in Action

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / February 2, 2009

Ross Jeffries puts his “Speed Seduction” to the test in front of the BBC cameras… does he succeed or get blown out faster than a fat kid’s birthday cake?  Click here to find out.

–The Boston Bachelor

3 responses so far

Dec 31 2008

Link of the Year: Watch Live Sports Games Online for Free

001306423 Link of the Year: Watch Live Sports Games Online for Free

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / December 31, 2008

On travel and missing your favorite sports team play?  Don’t have the money to pony up for NBA TV?  Ever wonder if fans actually attend Arizona Cardinal games?  Well now you’re in luck, because this site allows viewers to watch almost every single NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL game LIVE over the Web.  And if that’s not enough, you can also watch other major cable network channels, such as the BBC, Discovery Channel, Comedy Central, and The Movie Channel.  Technology is a beautiful thing, no?

-The Boston Bachelor

***

Stay updated and watch tv online for your favorite TV shows.

2 responses so far

Nov 26 2008

I Never Really Cared for Alf

Published by The Boston Bachelor under Television

alf I Never Really Cared for Alf

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / November 26, 2008

-The Boston Bachelor

2 responses so far

Oct 31 2008

A Short Film on the Terrible M/F Ratio of a Tech School

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 31, 2008

Only those who’ve been through the tech school experience can truly understand what an understatement this video actually is.

-The Boston Bachelor

4 responses so far

Oct 20 2008

Examination Day by Henry Seslar

Published by The Boston Bachelor under Short Stories

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / October 20, 2008

An odd short story I read in 8th Grade English that stuck with me throughout the years…

Examination Day

 
 
The Jordans never spoke of the exam, not until their son, Dickie, was twelve years old. It was on his birthday that Mrs Jordan first mentioned the subject in his presence, and the anxious manner of her speech caused her husband to answer sharply.

‘Forget about it,’ he said. ‘He’ll do all right.’

They were at breakfast table, and the boy looked up from his plate curiously. He was an alert-eyed youngster with flat blond hair and a quick, nervous manner. He didn’t understand what the sudden tension was about, but he did know that today was his birthday, and he wanted harmony above all. Somewhere in the little apartment there were wrapped, beribboned packages waiting to be opened, and in the tiny wall-kitchen something warm and sweet was being prepared in the automatic stove. He wanted the day to be happy, and the moistness of his mother’s eyes, the scowl on his father’s face, spoiled the mood of fluttering expectation with which he had greeted the morning.

‘What exam?’ he asked.

His mother looked at the tablecloth. ‘It’s just a sort of Government Intelligence test they give children at the age of twelve. You’ll be taking it next week. It’s nothing to worry about.’

‘You mean a test like in school?’

‘Something like that,’ his father said, getting up from the table. ‘Go and read your comics, Dickie.’ The boy rose and wandered towards that part of the living room which had been ‘his’ corner since infancy. He fingered the topmost comic of the stack, but seemed uninterested in the colour­ful squares of fast-paced action. He wandered towards the window, and peered gloomily at the veil of mist that shrouded the glass.

‘Why did it have to rain today?’ he said. ‘Why couldn’t it rain tomorrow?’

His father, now slumped into an armchair with the Gov­ernment newspaper rattled the sheets in vexation. ‘Because it just did, that’s all. Rain makes the grass grow.’

‘Why, Dad?’

‘Because it does, that’s all.’

Dickie puckered his brow. ‘What makes it green, though? The grass?’

‘Nobody knows,’ his father snapped, then immediately regretted his abruptness.

Later in the day, it was birthday time again. His mother beamed as she handed over the gaily-coloured packages, and even his father managed a grin and a rumple-of-the-­hair. He kissed his mother and shook hands gravely with his father. Then the birthday cake was brought forth, and the ceremonies concluded.

An hour later, seated by the window, he watched the sun force its way between the clouds.

‘Dad,’ he said, ‘how far away is the sun?’

‘Five thousand miles,’ his father said.
 
 
 
 
Dickie sat at the breakfast table and again saw moisture in his mother’s eyes. He didn’t connect her tears with the exam until his father suddenly brought the subject to light again.

‘Well, Dickie,’ he said, with a manly frown, ‘you’ve got an appointment today.’

‘I know Dad. 1 hope –’

‘Now, it’s nothing to worry about. Thousands of children take this test every day. The Government wants to know how smart you are, Dickie. That’s all there is to it.’

‘I get good marks in school,’ he said hesitantly.

‘This is different. This is a – special kind of test. They give you this stuff to drink, you see, and then you go into a room where there’s a sort of machine –‘

‘What stuff to drink?’ Dickie said.

‘It’s nothing. It tastes like peppermint. It’s just to make sure you answer the questions truthfully. Not that the Gov­ernment thinks you won’t tell the truth, but it makes sure.’

Dickie’s face showed puzzlement, and a touch of fright. He looked at his mother, and she composed her face into a misty smile.

‘Everything will be all right,’ she said.

‘Of course it will,’ his father agreed. ‘You’re a good boy, Dickie; you’ll make out fine. Then we’ll come home and celebrate. All right?’

‘Yes sir,’ Dickie said.
 
 
 
 
They entered the Government Educational Building fifteen minutes before the appointed hour. They crossed the mar­ble floors of the great pillared lobby, passed beneath an archway and entered an automatic lift that brought them to the fourth floor.

There was a young man wearing an insignia-less tunic, seated at a polished desk in front of Room 404. He held a clipboard in his hand, and he checked the list down to the Js and permitted the Jordans to enter.

The room was as cold and official as a courtroom, with long benches flanking metal tables. There were several fathers and sons already there, and a thin-lipped woman with cropped black hair was passing out sheets of paper.

Mr Jordan filled out the form, and returned it to the clerk. Then he told Dickie: ‘It won’t be long now. When they call your name, you just go through the doorway at the end of the room.’ He indicated the portal with his finger.

A concealed loudspeaker crackled and called off the first name. Dickie saw a boy leave his father’s side reluctantly and walk slowly towards the door.

At five minutes to eleven, they called the name of Jordan.

‘Good luck, son,’ his father said, without looking at him. ‘I’ll call for you when the test is over.’

Dickie walked to the door and turned the knob. The room inside was dim, and he could barely make out the features of the grey-tunicked attendant who greeted him.

‘Sit down,’ the man said softly. He indicated a high stool beside his desk. ‘Your name’s Richard Jordan?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Your classification number is 600-115. Drink this, Richard.’

He lifted a plastic cup from the desk and handed it to the boy. The liquid inside had the consistency of buttermilk, tasted only vaguely of the promised peppermint. Dickie downed it, and handed the man the empty cup.

He sat in silence, feeling drowsy, while the man wrote busily on a sheet of paper. Then the attendant looked at his watch, and rose to stand only inches from Dickie’s face. He unclipped a penlike object from the pocket of his tunic, and flashed a tiny light into the boy’s eyes.

‘All right,’ he said. ‘Come with me, Richard.’

He led Dickie to the end of the room, where a single wooden armchair faced a multi-dialled computing machine. There was a microphone on the left arm of the chair, and when the boy sat down, he found its pinpoint head conve­niently at his mouth.

‘Now just relax, Richard. You’ll be asked some ques­tions, and you think them over carefully. Then give your answers into the microphone. The machine will take care of the rest.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘I’ll leave you alone now. Whenever you want to start, just say “ready” into the microphone.’

‘Yes, sir.’

The man squeezed his shoulder, and left.

Dickie said, ‘Ready.’

Lights appeared on the machine, and a mechanism whirred. A voice said: ‘Complete this sequence. One, four, seven, ten . .
 
 
 
 
Mr and Mrs Jordan were in the living room, not speaking, not even speculating.

It was almost four o’clock when the telephone rang. The woman tried to reach it first, but her husband was quicker.

‘Mr Jordan?’

The voice was clipped: a brisk, official voice.

‘Yes, speaking.’

‘This is the Government Educational Service. Your son, Richard M Jordan, Classification 600-115 has completed the Government examination. We regret to inform you that his intelligence quotient is above the Government regula­tion, according to Rule 84 Section 5 of the New Code.’

Across the room, the woman cried out, knowing nothing except the emotion she read on her husband’s face.

‘You may specify by telephone,’ the voice droned on, ‘whether you wish his body interred by the Government, or would you prefer a private burial place? The fee for Gov­ernment burial is ten dollars.’

148 responses so far

Sep 17 2008

14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)

music saves 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / September 17, 2008

http://theultimatebootlegexperience.blogspot.com/
http://mixingdesk.blogspot.com/
http://blogstoned.blogspot.com/
http://superblive.blogspot.com/
http://www.bootlegbude.tk/
http://soundaboard.blogspot.com/
http://vivalesbootlegs.blogspot.com/
http://www.greenalienchick.com/
http://tummut-tatum-007.blogspot.com/
http://burtonbootlegger.blogspot.com/
http://mysticchordsofmemory.blogspot.com/
http://musicasocial.blogspot.com/
http://qualityboots.blogspot.com/
http://www.guitars101.com/forums/f90/

-The Boston Bachelor

gsa100m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa101m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa102m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa103m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa104m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa105m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa106m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa107m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa108m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa109m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa110m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)gsa111m01 14 Reasons to Never Leave Your Room Again (Link of the Week)

One response so far

Sep 16 2008

The Boston Bachelor’s Online Dating Challenge: Part II, The Results

romance scam The Boston Bachelor’s Online Dating Challenge: Part II, The Results

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / September 16, 2008

Several months ago, I wasted a few hours of my life performing an experiment in online dating.  In a nutshell, the objective was to see which headlines and profiles on Match.com attracted the most female responses.  Per the rules of the experiment, I was not permitted to initiate any communication; the profiles and headlines had to do all the work in attracting the lonely ladies.

So which profile and headline came out on top?  I’ll start off by saying this: I did not receive any emails during the 2 months of the experiment.  Yes, boo hoo, tear.  There are some things in life I will never get, no matter how much brainpower I put into it.  One is physics, the second is computer science, and the third is online dating.

I’d also like to note that only the first two lines of your profile text actually show up in search results.  For that reason, I’m only displayed the first two lines of profile text per each headline below.

With the necessary introductions being out of the way, let’s get to it, shall we?

Here are the top 3 headlines/profiles that received the most number of confirmed views:
 
 
2nd Runner Up:

Headline: Honesty, Trust, and Respect

Profile: Let me guess… you’re here for the same reason I am. As long as you’re not some spammer in Bombay, then continue reading.


1st Runner Up
:

Headline: I Never Judge

Profile: People today are so afraid of being judged in a negative way that they walk through life on eggshells. They hide their true personality and passions and live a life of unfulfillment and unhappiness.


The Winner:

Headline: Apples Oranges Pears Grapes Mangoes Bananas Pineapples Watermelons Cherries Strawberries Lemons Tomatoes Watermelons

Profile: Let me guess… you’re here for the same reason I am. Bars and nightclubs just aren’t the places to go to find someone you can really connect with, much less have a stimulating conversation with.
 
 
Which headline/profile performed the worst, and received no confirmed views?

The Worst:

Headline: I Will Never Love You

Profile: Let me guess… you’re here for the same reason I am. As long as you’re not some spammer in Bombay, then continue reading.

Unfortunately, the censors at Match.com prevented me from posting a few headlines that could have made the results more interesting:

     ”What’s a Clitoris?”

     ”I Love Sex But Not You”

     ”I Heart Bondage”

     ”Looking for Porn Watching Partner”
 
 
So there you have it, folks.  Now what’s the big lesson to be learned from my online dating experiment?  This.

-The Boston Bachelor

8 responses so far

Sep 04 2008

Link of the Week: The Best Cashback Program Out There?

flintheart glomgold Link of the Week: The Best Cashback Program Out There?

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / September 4, 2008

Apparently Microsoft is really clawing for ground against Google in the search engine wars, as they’ve integrated a cashback program into their Live.com search engine.  Use their referral links, and they’ll send you cashback via PayPal, electronic checking, or snail mail.  For example, you get 18% cashback for FootLocker.com purchases and 10% for Drugstore.com purchases.  Here’s a tip: Cashback rates jump noticeably during the holidays, such as 25% off Drugstore.com purchases during this past Labor Day.

-The Boston Bachelor

6 responses so far

Aug 30 2008

Strange Dream I Had Last Night

Published by The Boston Bachelor under Nothing

strange dream Strange Dream I Had Last Night

BY THEBOSTONBACHELOR.COM / August 30, 2008

-The Boston Bachelor

4 responses so far

« Prev - Next »